Stripped

I think that every woman should have a moment where they look in the mirror stark naked and admire themselves. It’s healthy for the soul to sit back and feel like you’re beautiful. No one has to tell you – no one has to say a word. You can just look at the nakedness of your body and say “I was made perfect, and damn it, today I’m beautiful. Every day, I’m beautiful.”


I had my “beautiful” moment today. I was able to get the midget to bed early and I ran a hot bath. Loaded with my favorite bubble bath, I sank down in the tub and let the hot water take me to places that I had not been in a long time. I remembered the moments where I felt ugly and unwanted and disgusting and I let them soak in the water and wash down the drain. And then I got out of the tub.

The journey since my surgery has been tough – I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and I know that Dr. Cavazos will be happy that I am 45 pounds lighter than I was at surgery. This has been such an emotional journey for me – I’m taking so many vitamins and trying to keep up with my protein shake regimen as best I can. My life has changed – my body tells me what it will and won’t tolerate. The nausea that overcomes me when that happens is horrid, but I’m learning to listen to my reconstructed stomach. I’ve dropped two dress sizes and am now in between the size that I was when I delivered Akaiylyn and the size I was when I met my husband. If I go down two more dress sizes, I’ll be at the size I was at my lightest weight. I feel so different than I did when I started this journey. I never believed that I would lose weight this fast and feel this good. I feel like a new person, but I still succumb to temptation. Some days I feel like being normal, and I pay for it mercilessly. But those days pass and come, and I have far more good days than bad.

So, as I stood in the mirror and looked at myself, I thought, “Wow, you’re pretty beautiful.” It’s been a long time since I’ve said that to myself. And what’s crazy is this time, I knew I meant it.